My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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