No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
