my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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