This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Randomize
