If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
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