Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
