I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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