On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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