I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
