I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
