dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
