Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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