I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
40s are totally the cure
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
