Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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