ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
