Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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