it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
