Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Your cock deserves a montage
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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