it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
