just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
