Who wears a wallet chain?!
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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