At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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