All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
