I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
