explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Randomize
