Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
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I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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