I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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