I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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