i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
