god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
