I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I smell like Dick and happiness
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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