Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize