Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
