Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
