The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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