Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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