one two three fourrrrnication!
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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