Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
