I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
