I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
