I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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