Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Dear god my vagina.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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