i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
