He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
