Why does Corona taste like a burp?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
