haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
