so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
