I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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