the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
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When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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