you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize