She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
