Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
my phone needs a breathalizer
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.