Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
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3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
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I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
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