walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
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ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
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yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.