i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
