"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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