yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
