hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
