did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
