Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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