I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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