I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
