Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
