tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
