I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
