Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
