She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
