he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
