1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
