And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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